i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
