I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You ruined the universe
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
