Pants 0. Shit 1.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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