Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?

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(719): View more from Colorado

Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.

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(754): View more from Florida

you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.

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(512): View more from Texas

You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola

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(786): View more from Florida

I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?

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