Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize