how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My feet surprised me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
