Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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