I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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