Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
