i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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