Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
