Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Randomize
