im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
