dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
