I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
