Whod you bang
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
