Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
