sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
