First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
