and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
