new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
