No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The air taste purple.
Randomize
