She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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