My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
it's like iHOP with fire
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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