I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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