my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
