I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
