Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
