i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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