I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
