Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
