Fine. I'll sleep in my office
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
