they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
