someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize