You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You may now shotgun with the bride
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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