he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
