your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
