My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
