i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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