I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
