Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
