My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
