You're a womanizer and a bitch.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
