If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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