someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
