you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
then he tried to convert me to islam
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
