I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
