sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
