so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
