Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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