My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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