Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
