he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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