he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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