She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
is wine microwaveable?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
