You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize