Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
