my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
