I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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