she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
