You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
