so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
