My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He? As in you personified your dick?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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