Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
is it fun? or sober?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
