True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
