i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
