I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Randomize
