Having a random hookup so left but love u
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
