I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
