he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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