I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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