He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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