The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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